It can be surprising how lonely one can feel in a crowded city. This is because the experience of “feeling lonely” is different from “being alone”. It is possible for us to feel perfectly blissful spending time by ourselves, just as it is possible to feel terribly alone while surrounded by people. Indian youth in urban cities might be familiar with the latter – feeling lonely despite being surrounded by people.
Youth is a time of many transitions. A large majority of Indian youth, aged 18-34 years, migrate to metro cities in search of education and career opportunities. This means managing several challenges, such as adjusting to life in a new city, forming new social connections and finding one’s feet in the working world. Such transitions are usually accompanied by isolation from family and disruption of existing social circles, which makes one vulnerable to loneliness.
One of the most challenging transitions for urban youth could be dealing with a stressful work environment. We live in an economic climate where we are constantly told that extreme self-interest and individualism at the workplace will bring us success. Consequently, we are faced with a work culture that glorifies being busy, and demands young people to be “on” and “available” all the time. This leaves us starved of time, energy and opportunity to explore social connections. On the other hand, a lot of us might also end up working longer hours to avoid the post-work loneliness.
We are a generation that has been blessed by technology that fosters connection. It is true that technology can make us feel connected to a large number of people all over the world, and even help in reducing loneliness. However, online interactions cannot function as a stand-in for the physical touch and presence that face-to-face interactions can offer. In fact, today we have technology that encourages individual experiences and activities, which makes spending time alone more common.
Why should we address loneliness? While solitude can be illuminating and sometimes even necessary, chronic loneliness can have an adverse impact on one’s mental health. This study establishes that loneliness might have a reciprocal relationship with mental health. Effectively, prolonged loneliness can be a risk factor for depression, and psychological ill-health can reduce social connectedness. But recent studies, have found that social connectedness is a stronger and more consistent predictor of mental health than the other way around. This implies that connectedness is not only critical for good mental health but protects and promotes it.
The antidote to loneliness is connectedness- connecting with others, with the self, and with the community. Loneliness becomes more daunting when we feel ashamed about feeling lonely. We may feel like loneliness indicates a personal flaw or imbalance. This shame can prevent us from talking about how we feel, and reaching out for connection. Everyone experiences loneliness at some point in life, and we all need human contact to fulfill our emotional needs. There is no shame in reaching out to a friend, a colleague, or a family member to connect with. It is also important to recognize that for some of us, reaching out can be challenging. Check in with people you know may be struggling with loneliness. You could do that by letting them know that you care and want to talk to them, spending time with them, asking them how one can help, and trying to connect them to other resources.
Studies show that community-led initiatives that foster a sense of belongingness are effective in reducing loneliness. These could be communities formed on the basis of location, common interests, activities or a cause and it is helpful to seek out community spaces that feel inclusive and safe.
Organizations can also help employees at a higher risk of experiencing loneliness by providing effective and timely support. Organizing structured group activities that help employees connect with one another and the organization can be helpful. One study found that establishing a work culture based on care and compassion can be more effective in managing employee alienation and loneliness.
Dealing effectively with loneliness does not mean we strive to always be connected socially. If there are certain personal or systemic obstacles that make it difficult to connect with others, connecting with oneself can be helpful. It begins with acknowledging that being by oneself at the moment is difficult and extending compassion towards oneself. It is also important to remember that the feelings of loneliness are temporary and will pass.
If possible, think about activities you can do that help you to be comfortable on your own, like taking a walk, going to the movies or playing with a pet.
We are not just “social animals”. We require emotional and physical connection and ignoring this comes at a cost. Let’s try to move away from talking about loneliness in a sanitized, pathologizing manner and understand the real structural and cultural forces that perpetuate urban loneliness. We are not alone in our loneliness, and we need each other to help us cope with it.
By Ahla Matra