Emotional pain can emerge in very intense and confusing ways. In certain situations, the pain can be debilitating and difficult to manage. Some of the ways it can manifest are through crying spells or extremely high anxiety. It may feel like our entire body is experiencing the pain. Tension or heaviness may emerge in certain parts of the body. When we experience such pain, our body tries to cope with it. Experience of pain, anxiety or any form of distress over a long time can lead to a reduction of our body’s resources. We start feeling exhausted. At this point, many of us might experience numbness or a state in which we are unable to feel anything.
There are different ways to cope with distress, and we try to find ways to reduce the pain we experience. One of the ways in which people cope with pain or numbness is by harming themselves.
Self-harm is not an attempt to suicide, it is an attempt to harm oneself to manage the distress one is experiencing. Self-harm can occur in several ways, including scratching, cutting, hitting, scabbing, bruising, bone-breaking, and burning, among others (Claes et al., 2015).
Self-harm is only the harm that is done to oneself without the intent of suicide. It is also referred to as Non-Suicidal Self Injury (NSSI). Claes et al., (2015) stated that non-suicidal self-injury is deliberate and direct harm done to one’s body tissue without suicidal intent.
Harming oneself can be a way to feel more in control of the situation. It could be a way to make our pain more tangible, by converting it to physical form. It could also be a way to make ourselves feel something, even if it is feeling pain. Harming oneself is a way a person has learned to deal with the painful or intense emotions arising. When we can’t verbalize it or the environment doesn’t let us express it without harmful consequences, self-harm can be resorted to.
After injuring oneself, fears about this urge escalating in the future might emerge. There also might be feelings of guilt for putting oneself at risk or shame about someone finding out. Self-harm is a coping strategy that can put one at risk, and make one feel unsafe.
The relief that comes with harming oneself is only temporary. This is because the emotion hasn’t been addressed or the problem remains unsolved.
Hence this forms a loop or a cycle in which there is emotional distress, over time this leads to an emotional overload. One copes with this by harming oneself. Unlike other coping strategies, self-harm most often brings up shame. The fear, guilt, and shame that follows might then add to the already existing distress.
Both suicidal ideation and self-harm can put a person at risk. Hence, while talking about suicide, it becomes important to address NSSI as well. Suicidal behaviour is when one injures with the intent to die, whereas the intent of NSSI is to cope with emotional distress or pain. However, NSSI and suicidal behavior can also occur simultaneously in the same individual (Butler & Malone, 2013).
The journey that the emotional distress takes can be filled with urges and attempts to not give in. It can be a very exhausting process. One can feel very helpless while trying to understand ways to cope with the situation. If we know someone who self harms, we might not know what can be done about it. Here are some starting points for our journey to deal with the urge to self-harm:
By Naina Shahri