Negotiating Boundaries at the Workplace

Humans have an innate tendency to form social connections, and while we interact with several people on a daily basis, it is only natural for us to feel attracted to, or to develop close relationships within the workspace. Our workplaces are physical and mental spaces where we spend most of our time and have several important experiences. Our immediate environment, our colleagues, superiors, and our company’s culture direct and guide us to develop our own patterns of thinking. They could also be the foundations of our experiences at workplaces. A common workplace can create a shared context and environment which can increase the relatability between two people. A common workspace can lead to exposure to similar opinions, structures, and work cultures that one functions within. Hence, over time, it is likely that people tend to build personal rapport with coworkers.

Apart from these factors, it can make meeting and speaking with each other easier; especially when coordinating work schedules and traveling within a city becomes extremely tiring. People working in the same workplace can have similar interests, share similar passions, and shared knowledge about subjects which can lead to a relationship where the couple has a similar world – view. There are several instances where relationships originating at the workplace could lead to a healthy personal relationship, which is balanced personally and professionally. The line between personal and professional can blur quickly, and thereafter it could become difficult to separate the two equations.

However, in certain cases, there might be a difference in power or authority between the partners in the organization and that might play out in the relationship as well. Many aspects of one’s identity, such as one’s gender, age, or professional experience can be closely linked to our designation and the amount of power one has in an organization. A power difference in an organization has higher chances of playing out within a personal relationship as well.

It is possible that in case there is a conflict in the personal relationship, it could impact professional interactions as well. Lack of opportunities of calling out uncomfortable aspects of a professional or personal relationship, or having to deal with several negative consequences of calling them out can become ground for a relationship to become unhealthy. This can lead to resentment towards work or the personal relationship.

Another important factor is that of consent within relationships where there is an evident power difference. Consent is considered valid only under certain conditions. 

Firstly, both the partners involved must have the option of saying “no” without fearing adverse consequences. This could mean that if there is a difference in the level of authority in the organization, it might not leave one partner with the option of saying “no” without worrying about consequences at the workplace. 

Secondly, both the persons involved must be completely aware of what they are consenting for, including the conditions and possible consequences of the interaction. This is applicable for both casual sexual encounters or romantic relationships.

Along with this, there are various factors leading to difficulty in ending relationships due to fear of it impacting workplace interactions. There are varied emotions that might come up while we are experiencing grief due to the loss of a relationship.  Going through this process while there is ongoing interaction with the person at the workplace could be difficult. These could be considerable factors that act as hindrances to end a relationship that started at the workplace.

A relationship at the workplace can lead to creating an impact on various important aspects of one’s life. Theories about well-being explain that there are eight (8) dimensions of well-being, including Emotional, Environmental, Financial, Intellectual, Occupational, Physical, Social and Spiritual. In this scenario, it becomes essential for us to take care of ourselves while we are in a relationship that starts at the workplace.

Here are some things can aid in maintaining the well-being of oneself and the relationship when it begins at workplaces. :

1. Maintain healthy boundaries: A boundary or limit is how far we can go with comfort in a relationship (Whitefield, 1993). A person can set boundaries to identify, for themselves and other people, what they find reasonable and acceptable behavior towards them. These can also communicate how a person will respond when someone steps outside those limits.
   Boundaries can also be personal reminders of behaviors or conversations that are not acceptable to us, which then help us regulate our actions and constantly assert these guidelines to people around us. These boundaries can be set at different levels for colleagues, friends, and partners. Understanding and maintaining these boundaries for ourselves can help in clear communication and thus keeping a relationship healthy.
   
   
2. Accepting influence: Accepting influence means to accept and share each other’s power.  Both the partners can work towards accepting that they both have influence over each other. and being open to acknowledging and accepting it as a part of the relationship. In relationships with a power difference, it might seem like the power is accumulated with one person.  However, looking at, and acknowledging how the decisions that each one takes has been influenced by both the individuals might help in sharing the power in a relationship. Research has shown that it is easier for women to accept influence in a relationship as compared to men. Hence, men working towards being more open to accepting influence can also help share the power based on gender in the relationship.
   
   
3. Find activities or habits in a relationship that are not connected to work –  Common and consistent activities, such as shared hobbies or interests, can help strengthen a relationship. Rituals that are connected only to one aspect of life, i.e. occupation, can create an association between work and the relationship. This can interfere in both the aspects of life like we have discussed earlier. However, building rituals in the relationship apart from the workplace may help in strengthening and growing the relationship.
   
   
4. Overcoming conflict with openness – When there is a conflict in a relationship, and one partner feels repeatedly rejected, it can lead to both the partners feeling stuck in their roles and position in the relationship. Over time, this can lead to conflicts becoming overwhelming and can lead to partners disengaging from the relationship. Openness, willingness and motivation to resolve the conflict by understanding if there is a deeper rooted dissatisfaction or hurt at the source of the conflict might be helpful in maintaining boundaries and managing conflict especially when a relationship lies on an intersection of our work and personal lives.
   
   
5. Forgiveness – Lastly, it is important to remember that people are flawed and imperfect. We all have different perspectives with which we might be viewing a situation that might lead to misunderstanding within a relationship. The hurt and disappointment that one is left with might very often be the source of conflicts. Lack of forgiveness can lead to conflicts remaining unresolved and can become a roadblock to a healthy relationship. This does not mean one has to give in to toxic behavior; however, it means one can attempt to forgive within the boundaries one has set.

By Naina Shahri

References:

Whitfield, C. L. (1993). Boundaries and relationships: Knowing, protecting and enjoying the self. Health Communications, Inc..